Keeping It Clean

By Alex Cho

There are many stereotypes which haunt college dorms; their inherent dirtiness, lack of privacy, tiny showers just to name a few. While this might not apply to many college dorms across America, I can sadly attest that this is in fact not a myth to scare freshmen to keep their dorms tidy, but a regretful truth within room 7D at the Cooper Union. I was going to upload photos of my dorm to show the levels of nasty my dorm has reached, but after careful consideration and being unable to distinguish my kitchen from a trash dump in the Philippines, I decided it was better to spare your eyes.

Before pointing fingers and calling out names, I will be honest and admit that I am responsible for a third of the damages. Using the knowledge I have accumulated living as a messy roommate with messy roommates, I will try my best to keep you on the right path of dorm cleanliness and prevent another 7D from happening somewhere in the world. Here are the best 3 tips for keeping your dorm clean.

The “It’s only one tho” mentality and its dangers

We’ve all been there. You’ve just finished your 20-page essay on the metaphorical nature of The Aeneid, and have triumphantly eaten cup ramen during your victory march. As you finish the slightly undercooked noodles, you begin to feel the warm, welcoming aura emanating from your bed. The cup ramen container shines in your peripherals, as you are faced with a choice: expend 2 final calories in your day and throw out the cup, or let tomorrow you deal with it. If you take the first path, you have practiced “it’s only one tho” technology. While seemingly harmless at first glance, there is a terminal point at which enough applications turn the “it’s only one” into the “why are there 42 water bottles under my bed,” a life-threatening mentality for dorm care. By avoiding any applications of the “it’s only one tho” tactic, you will find that there is worth in the small things.

Weekly Chores

Just because you don’t live with your mom anymore doesn’t mean that your hands have forgotten how to wield a vacuum cleaner. While it takes time out of your week and can bring back PTSD from your elementary school days, taking some time out of each Sunday to do the dishes or Windex the floor can save hours of work on move-out day when you and your dormmates frantically attempt to clean a mysterious stain on the floor minutes before forced eviction.

The “I Live With People” mentality

Living with other people doesn’t translate to living with maids. You are not the protagonist of your dorm’s anime, and even if you are there are filler episodes where Naruto picks up the Swiffer and gets to work on the floor. Dorm cleanliness is a team job, not a game of chicken where the weakest cracks under the pressure of living in a dirty dorm. Try to communicate with your dormmates to ensure equal amounts of time is spent between everybody to keep the dorm clean and presentable.

While I write this essay next to a growing pile of empty Frosted Flakes boxes, I hope you do not end up on my path of dorm desecration. As to why I can’t just follow these rules and free myself of this dirty reality, coaches don’t play.


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